so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
