she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
