So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
