All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
God, I missed his penis.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
