So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
