What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
