I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
A bitchslap is in order.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
