I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
