you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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