I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
