Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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