I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
