Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
