just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I have feelings that need drinking.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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