? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
