i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
