nut hugger
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
