Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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