Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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