you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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