dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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