By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
either way he was missing a nipple.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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