The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
