girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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