If that was your dad, he is hot
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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