At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
