I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
