Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
