you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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