did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
