Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
