I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
