Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
