there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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