I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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