just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
