I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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