I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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