you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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