I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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