imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
