He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Randomize
