so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
