Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
