I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
