Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
