The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
