So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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