They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
