You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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