Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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