# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
