Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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