well I can't set my house on fire every night
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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