I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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