You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
