Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
should my penis look like a turkey
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
