I think i peed on brittanys purse
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
