Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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