dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I will be naked everywhere
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize