kristin has been a bad kristin
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
