I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize