I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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