I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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