Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
