my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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