She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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