Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
