I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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