well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize