if you like me you must not know who I am
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
